Sometimes I get mad

Not mad at my daughter, but mad with the situation, with society, mad with insurance companies,doctors, acquaintances who just don't get it, and my list could go on and on.  Some days I just want to scream and cry because it feels like no one cares or understands. I am learning to take a deep breath and excuse people for their ignorance.
For example, a few weeks ago we took Liz to the GI. I could tell that she didn't have a lot of experience with autism. The first thing she said was, "Are you sure it is really stomach aches and she's not just complaining about something else?" To be fair, she probably did have a point, but I know something more is going on and that was not the question I wanted to hear. It felt like she was not taking us seriously. I left mad.
Other times I get stuck in the "Why us" phase. I may never fully know the answer to that question, but what I can do now is find the blessings in it. I have an amazing daughter who excels in things most kids don't. I never need to turn on the news for a weather report, sending Liz to the window is more than sufficient. She can dance, she can act, she can make me laugh. That is the beauty of autism in our home.
I want to educate people. I want to advocate for these children and adults so that other parents don't have to get mad. I want them to be able to reach out, make one phone call, and suddenly have all the help and resources that they need. I want parents to have sufficient support. I want them to see where their child excels, to see that their child has great potential. Most of all I want to help their children find that potential. I am starting to find a new calling in my life.

Finding Support

After Liz was diagnosed, I felt absolutely overwhelmed. I was given an awesome opportunity to travel to Columbus,Ohio for an Autism Speaks Conference. While there, I discovered so much support. Suddenly, I didn't feel so alone. These were parents who knew what I felt. They knew the challenges that I faced on a daily basis, and most of all they had experience. This was a major turning point for me. I was able to learn about the Autism Treatment Network and the amazing things that they are doing for people.
After my trip to Columbus, I came home and immediately made an appointment with the nurse practitioner in town. She ran several tests and referred us to local therapy, a GI, and the Autism Treatment Network. I am beyond thrilled to finally be moving in the right direction.
I know that through the help of the school, our nurse practitioner, Liz's dance teacher,family, friends, and all those involved in her life she will be able to have great success in life. I didn't realize it but over the last year I have built an awesome support system for her. Sometimes I still feel overwhelmed and wonder what her life will be like, but then I try to remember that we have people around her who love her and want her to be successful.

And So it Begins

I want to start from the beginning. On February 26,2009 my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, our Lizzybug. From Day 1 we knew there was something special about her. She was so alert, and she could watch the lights over the hospital bed for hours. There was always something different but beautiful. People were attracted to her and she made them laugh. She was curious and as she began to crawl, she became an explorer. She made my life beautiful. I suddenly realized what it meant to be happy. I found joy in every little smile and every little laugh. As Liz began to grow she met all of her milestones on time (and maybe some a little early).
When she was 20 months old, our Butterfly was born. Life felt perfect. I had 2 beautiful girls and a husband that I loved. Not long after Butterfly was born I began having some concerns about my Lizzybug. I shook them off and convinced myself that everything was fine. She really wasn't that behind in her speech and where she was she would soon catch up.
 When Liz was just past 3 years old things began to snowball. She threw frequent tantrums and began picking at her skin, her speech was behind, and her social skills were lacking. I made excuses and convinced myself that it was due to moving to a new state.
 A few months after our move I admitted there was something wrong and called early intervention. I was forwarded on to the local school district's preschool. To make a long story short it took 4 months for them to accept her. When they described our Lizzybug they simply said that she was a "complex child."
Around this time our pediatrician decided to send us to Kansas City for an Autism Evaluation. In the meantime, I began doing my own research and knew in my gut that we would get an ASD diagnoses. After a 4 month wait we went in for the evaluation. I will never forget hearing the psychologist tell us that our Lizzybug had autism spectrum disorder. No amount of homework and research had prepared me to hear those words. I didn't want to talk to anyone afterwards. I wanted to sit back and fully digest what was said. I wanted a game plan. I was overwhelmed. What do I do now?
It was definitely a day that changed my life. It was just over a month ago, yet it seems like a lifetime. Here I am trying to figure out who my daughter is. What does she think? What does she feel? What does she want or need? I ask myself those questions every single day. I made myself a promise that day. That promise was that anything my Lizzybug wanted to do in life she would achieve. I will not let ASD hold her back, I want her to learn that she has talents because of ASD, and those talents can take her places. I want to help my Lizzybug use her wings.