To the Mother of the Daughter with the matted hair

I once worked at your daughter's school. I judged you as I watched the special ed team bending your ASD child over the teachers' lounge sink. I watched as they combed, brushed, cut, washed, and conditioned your child's hair. I wondered how a person could send their child to school in that state. I thought horrible things. What kind of parent were you?

Now here I am, just over 5 years later. I just spent the last half hour combing, brushing, conditioning, and washing my own ASD child's hair. The entire time all I could think about was the time I spent judging you. Never once did it cross my mind that a brush might be physically painful to your child. Never once did I stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you were more concerned about your child eating breakfast in the morning. Or maybe you spent the morning finding an outfit that didn't hurt her. I have no idea the circumstances, and I should have never judged.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could call you up, and tell you what a great mom you are. I wish I could have seen past the matted hair and seen the good that you were doing. Instead, I pegged you as a horrible neglectful parent. For that I am sorry. In reality, I am sure you were doing the best you could. Isn't that what we all do? We survive day by day, prioritizing the needs of our children. I am sorry.

Over the past year, I have learned to be slow to judge. We never truly know all the circumstances surrounding a situation. If we would only take the time to pause and show sympathy instead. So when I start to judge others I will remember you, Mother of the child with the matted hair. I will remember that I did you wrong, and I will do my best to not judge, to think twice, to show sympathy. Thank you for the lesson.