Having Another Baby

I have thought about this post for the last 11 weeks. I have thought about how to explain my thoughts and feelings. Yet, I am still unsure of how to explain everything.

We knew up front that the risk of another child having autism would be incredibly high. One thought that came to my mind was how different my life would be if we had had an earlier diagnosis, one that would have made us decide to not have a second child. I think our life would be pretty empty. Our Butterfly brings so much joy to our family. With that thought constantly on my mind, I was comfortable with the decision to have a third.

So here we are. Yes, I do still feel scared about it sometimes, but I also know that we now know what to look for as well as what resources are available in our area. We are familiar with the teachers and staff at the district preschool, and we have a fabulous doctor. Not to mention the education that both my husband and I have gained.

Only time will tell. I am just grateful for the precious spirit Heavenly Father has sent us. We are looking forward to having a third baby around.

6 Months Into Our Journey

This post is about me. This post is about how I over came the greatest obstacle put before me. It is about how I embraced it, how I have learned to love it. Most of all it is about how I wouldn't change it for the world.

6 months ago I sat on a couch, clinging tight to my husband's hand while a therapist told us that our Lizzybug had autism. At the time it was tragic. It felt like I had lost my child. I was confused and over whelmed. I did not know where to go from there. It was if a door had been slammed in my face, and there was no where else to turn.

Over the first few weeks and months, I was mad with God. How could he do this to us? Why did my daughter have to suffer? Those were the thoughts that went through my mind. I spent hours on my knees begging for answers. I begged for peace.

Occupational Therapy ended up being an answer to my prayers. During those first sessions, I watched my daughter bloom. I began to realize that I had not lost her, I had never really known her. Those sessions allowed me to peak into her mind. I watched her determination, I watched her tackle things that were really hard for her. I finally knew my Lizzybug!

Because of ASD I have learned some things about myself as well. I have learned I have more strength than I thought possible. I have found patience that I did not even know I had. I have found a faith in God that I never knew possible.

I wouldn't trade the last 6 months for anything. They have been a beautiful blessing. I am anxious to see what my little Lizzybug will achieve in her future. I am excited to be a voice for her, and to help her succeed in life.

Ignorance

I was prepared to write a post about how exhausted I was. About how I woke up at 3:00 with my kid, and was cleaning up spilt milk by 4:30. Instead I want to address ignorance. It has been everywhere for me today. Some days it slips in and other days it tears at my heart. Sometimes it is a look from a stranger, others it is a family member or friend. 

I know that many times when family or friends are ignorant about the situation they are more than likely trying to be supportive, but that does not stop the sting of the words. I live everyday trying to explain my child to teachers, friends, family, and strangers. I put up with dirty looks in the store when my child throws a fit, or comments when my daughter's auditory processing disorder shows face and she says "No." Honestly, it exhausting to explain her. If our society were more accepting I would not have to do so.

Our society needs to do away with the idea that every screaming child is spoiled, or that every misbehaving kid needs to be punished more. I hear it all the time. ''Aren't you going to do something about that?" Like I am supposed to punish my kid because her mind takes longer to process what I am saying. I see their stunned faces when she yells, "No!" Yet no matter how many times I explain that she just needs a minute to process things I get the same reaction again and again from people. 

I realize this blog might step on a few toes, but mine have been smashed into the ground and rubbed there. 

Things to not do/say to an ASD parent

1 "Don't you discipline them?"

2 "Aren't you going to do something about that?"

3 Do not point out everything the child does that is "normal."

4 Do not preach to me about "labeling" my child. 

5 "She sounds just like you."

6 '' I can't believe you let her talk to you like that!"

7 "Maybe you should change her diet."

8 Do not act like an expert unless you are another ASD parent or a professional. Then I would love to hear    your advice

That is just a few things, right off the top of my head. Give me another hour and I am sure the list would be longer. So what can you do/say to be helpful?

1 "Let me know if you ever need a break. I'd be glad to help." 

2 "Is her therapy going well? I am noticing a lot of improvement."

3 "How are things at the school?"

4 Educate yourself.

5 Offer a listening ear.

6 Offer a shoulder to cry on.

7 Bring brownies!

8 Smile at the lady with the tantruming child. Tell her she's a good mom. She probably needs to hear it.

I admit to once being a young mom in Wal-Mart who thought people should control their kids. It is funny how something can really humble you.  There are days when I have to shut out the rest of the world, and their negative opinions toward my child. On those days I just let the phone ring, ignore text messages, and shut my family away. Because in this house we have acceptance. My daughter can be herself without a negative look or comment. She can tantrum, and know that her parents will still love her when it's over. 

So please be kinder to the mom in the store. Please by kinder to friends and neighbors. Show more compassion towards your family members.