Ignorance

I was prepared to write a post about how exhausted I was. About how I woke up at 3:00 with my kid, and was cleaning up spilt milk by 4:30. Instead I want to address ignorance. It has been everywhere for me today. Some days it slips in and other days it tears at my heart. Sometimes it is a look from a stranger, others it is a family member or friend. 

I know that many times when family or friends are ignorant about the situation they are more than likely trying to be supportive, but that does not stop the sting of the words. I live everyday trying to explain my child to teachers, friends, family, and strangers. I put up with dirty looks in the store when my child throws a fit, or comments when my daughter's auditory processing disorder shows face and she says "No." Honestly, it exhausting to explain her. If our society were more accepting I would not have to do so.

Our society needs to do away with the idea that every screaming child is spoiled, or that every misbehaving kid needs to be punished more. I hear it all the time. ''Aren't you going to do something about that?" Like I am supposed to punish my kid because her mind takes longer to process what I am saying. I see their stunned faces when she yells, "No!" Yet no matter how many times I explain that she just needs a minute to process things I get the same reaction again and again from people. 

I realize this blog might step on a few toes, but mine have been smashed into the ground and rubbed there. 

Things to not do/say to an ASD parent

1 "Don't you discipline them?"

2 "Aren't you going to do something about that?"

3 Do not point out everything the child does that is "normal."

4 Do not preach to me about "labeling" my child. 

5 "She sounds just like you."

6 '' I can't believe you let her talk to you like that!"

7 "Maybe you should change her diet."

8 Do not act like an expert unless you are another ASD parent or a professional. Then I would love to hear    your advice

That is just a few things, right off the top of my head. Give me another hour and I am sure the list would be longer. So what can you do/say to be helpful?

1 "Let me know if you ever need a break. I'd be glad to help." 

2 "Is her therapy going well? I am noticing a lot of improvement."

3 "How are things at the school?"

4 Educate yourself.

5 Offer a listening ear.

6 Offer a shoulder to cry on.

7 Bring brownies!

8 Smile at the lady with the tantruming child. Tell her she's a good mom. She probably needs to hear it.

I admit to once being a young mom in Wal-Mart who thought people should control their kids. It is funny how something can really humble you.  There are days when I have to shut out the rest of the world, and their negative opinions toward my child. On those days I just let the phone ring, ignore text messages, and shut my family away. Because in this house we have acceptance. My daughter can be herself without a negative look or comment. She can tantrum, and know that her parents will still love her when it's over. 

So please be kinder to the mom in the store. Please by kinder to friends and neighbors. Show more compassion towards your family members.