Time Please Stop

As I sit here with a sleeping baby on my chest,  I realize how fast time goes by. It doesn't seem like so long ago that this newborn on my chest was Lizzybug. In a few short weeks, our lives will change forever as she walks through the doors of her elementary school.  I can't believe she's entering kindergarten.  I have such a mixture of emotions everything from fear to excitement. My greatest fear is that Liz won't have friends,  that she will be labeled the "weird" kid and be bullied. I pray that at least one child is able to love and accept her. I'm excited because this is is a new adventure for her. My goal is to help her find her wings, to be as independent as possible, and this is the first step for her. So with a leap of faith we are preparing for kindergarten.

Baby Boy is here!

Liz seems to be handling it relatively well. The main thing has been attempting to teach her boundaries and rules. She wants to be a little more independant with him than she should be.
The birth story: He is probably my most boring birth story yet! In a good way! After fighting pre eclampsia in 2 pregnancies, I managed to dodge the bullet in my third.  I went in for my scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and 2 days. My blood pressure did drop (had this happen with Presley as well) due to the anstheia, but I had an amazing ansethologist who handled the problem quickly and an amazing doctor who showed me lots of compassion.They brought Colby in soon after that. They had him out shortly after. It did take them a little a longer because they had to cut through all the scar tissue, but he arrived perfectly healthy and absolutely adorable.
Now for the pictures of his cuteness.

Sisters Helping

A Week Old

The two of us in the hospital

Cute boy 2 days old

Just born before he was even bathed

Us in the OR

Our One Year Mark

Friday marked the day our lives forever changed. I spent the weekend thinking about how far our family has come, how far Liz has come, but most of all how far I have come. A year ago, I was breaking down into tears randomly, I was angry with God, and I wanted our pre diagnosis life back. I was really struggling with accepting that a diagnosis did not change my child. I was on my way to learning that a diagnosis had simply opened up an entire new world for my child and our family.
The last year, has been full of trials and difficulty, but it has also been the best year of my life. I have met such amazing people, I have been able to reach out and help others, to learn who my daughter truly is, and to learn a thing or two about myself. This is not the easiest way to travel through life, but it is worth it. It is worth every smile and every tear. It is simply worth it!
Over the past year, I ahve had the oppurtunity to learn so much about my Lizzybug. I will never forget our first OT appointment with Liz. It was so amazing to finally see what she was capable of. I felt like that first OT appointment opened Liz up to so many things. And while she was opening up, I was,too. I was able to slowly let go of my feelings of resentment, and to slowly embrace her diagnosis. It was like I was truly seeing my child for the first time.
I feel honored and blessed to be a mother to this child. I don't know how I got lucky enough to lead this sweet spirit through this world. She has taught me more in the past 5 years than I have learned my entire life. I love my bug!

To the Mother of the Daughter with the matted hair

I once worked at your daughter's school. I judged you as I watched the special ed team bending your ASD child over the teachers' lounge sink. I watched as they combed, brushed, cut, washed, and conditioned your child's hair. I wondered how a person could send their child to school in that state. I thought horrible things. What kind of parent were you?

Now here I am, just over 5 years later. I just spent the last half hour combing, brushing, conditioning, and washing my own ASD child's hair. The entire time all I could think about was the time I spent judging you. Never once did it cross my mind that a brush might be physically painful to your child. Never once did I stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you were more concerned about your child eating breakfast in the morning. Or maybe you spent the morning finding an outfit that didn't hurt her. I have no idea the circumstances, and I should have never judged.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could call you up, and tell you what a great mom you are. I wish I could have seen past the matted hair and seen the good that you were doing. Instead, I pegged you as a horrible neglectful parent. For that I am sorry. In reality, I am sure you were doing the best you could. Isn't that what we all do? We survive day by day, prioritizing the needs of our children. I am sorry.

Over the past year, I have learned to be slow to judge. We never truly know all the circumstances surrounding a situation. If we would only take the time to pause and show sympathy instead. So when I start to judge others I will remember you, Mother of the child with the matted hair. I will remember that I did you wrong, and I will do my best to not judge, to think twice, to show sympathy. Thank you for the lesson.

Just short of a year

I was thinking today about where we are now compared to a year ago. On Wednesday, her OT told me we would be switching to every other week appointments so that we could prepare for discharge.  It's hard to believe we have made it this far. A year ago, I couldn't even watch my child around other kids without crying.  Even though it's still hard sometimes,  I find it is getting easier. Most days, I don't feel like shutting my family away and sheltering them from the ignorance of the world. Most days, I am able to get up and fight again. I'm no longer angry at Heavenly Father. I feel like we are seeing the sun after a dreadfully long winter.
I've come to realize how beautiful our little world is. It's far from perfect,  but every little part of it is amazing.  I still get overwhelmed and I still worry about Liz's future (especially the up coming school year), but for the most part I feel like I am handling things better. When the hard days come, I try to take it one tiny step at a time. I try to make it minute to minute. And when darkness falls, and she's finally sleeping I lay down with her, and think of how truly blessed I am.
I never thought this would be a road I would travel. I never thought I would be a parent to a special needs child.  I always felt pity for people like me, and I wondered how they did it. The truth is you just do it.  There's not another option. I'm not an amazing super mom. I'm not your Susie homemaker. I'm just a woman who loves her child,  and would do anything to see her happy. It requires me to fight a little harder, breathe a little deeper, and find more beauty in the rain. In the end,  I'm just doing what any mom would do.
I suppose the month of June will be a month of reflection for me, a month to realize how far we have come.  It will be a month to just be grateful.

Social Media Vacation

My family is taking a vacation from technology for a week.  Technology (especially social media) rules our roost more than it should.  We are experiencing the hardest part of our year, summer time.  The transition to not having school is especially hard for Liz. I plan to use this week for a variety of things: getting Liz on schedule,  quality time with my family,  inviting the spirit into my home,  and working on controlling the amount of and types of media we allow in our house.

The rules are simple:
#1. No social media.
#2. No unnecessary Internet usage.
#3. Phones are only to be used for texting and calling.
#4. Only church movies will be viewed in our home.  No tv shows or sports.
#5. Music needs to be uplifting and invite the spirit.
#6. All other forms of media (books, magazines, etc.) Should be clean and gospel centered.
#7. No tablets.

Technology can be our best friend,  but it can also enslave us.  I feel like my family needs a break in order to get on the right path.  I truly believe this will make a difference in the spirit that dwells here. I also believe that this week of preparation will help me be a much better Mommy to my bug.

Recital Photos

And some recital photos before I take a week long technology vacation to clear my head.