First Day Part 2

I was so excited to get Liz off the bus, but it was not what I had expected or hoped for. I had hoped she would come inside and tell me all about her day. Instead, she got off the bus and angrily threw her things down, refusing to talk. I was pretty emotional. I stepped away for a second and slid down onto the floor, buried my head in my hands, and I cried. I cried more at that moment than I had cried all day. Most children come home from their first day and excitedly spill all the details of what they did. My child could not even tell me if she had a good day or not.
It is in these times that I'm so grateful to have my husband. He understands that sometimes autism is just hard. Just knowing he was there to reach out and give me a hug made all the difference. The remarkable thing about having a child with a disability is the insane amount of teamwork spouses have to give. We are a team. We are there to tell the other that it is okay. I really do not know how I could do this alone.
After awhile, Liz calmed down enough to have a snack. That seemed to help her cheer up some. I never did get a lot of details out of her. She told me she liked her teacher and that was about it.
Today when she came home, it was pretty much the same story. I am hoping that as she adjusts things will get easier. For now I am trying to stay strong and roll with the punches.

First Day of School!

Man I can't believe my Bug started school today! Crazy how that happened so quickly. We started the morning bright and early as Bug has to board to bus between 6:35 and 6:40. Ouch! I am so NOT a morning person.
I was really excited that Liz has a para on her bus, and the bus driver is SO sweet. Liz loves the bus. After she boarded the bus, I followed her to school. I wasn't going to miss out on her first morning. By the time she got to school, she was covered in something black that looked like grease (typical Lizzybug). She went into the gym and had breakfast. She took her sweet time with that. When she was finsihed I was able to walk her to her classroom.
Then that moment came. The moment when I had to hug her goodbye. She didn't want to let go of my neck. She clung for dear life, and begged me not to leave. So I did what I had to do, I let my Lizzybug have her wings, held back tears, and slipped out of the room.
So now I sit here, looking out my bay window, and waiting. Waiting for my Bug to come home. Waiting for a hug. More to come tomorrow, I think I see a bright yellow school bus topping the hill. :-)

Bug and Horses

I don't know if I have mentioned how much Lizzybug loves horses. In fact she is quite remarkable with them. She can get them to do things I can't! She never ceases to amaze me. She can sit in a saddle better than most adults, and she does so with such an ease. She just looks so natural! I don't know how else to describe it. The horses love her just as much as she loves them. For example, just a few weeks ago I was giving the kids a short ride on one of the horses. The horse absolutely refused to move. With some help from a friend, we got him to move. Later, Lizzybug took over holding the horse and led him around the yard. He didn't even hesitate for her, he just followed along.
If Liz goes down to the barn, all the horses flock to her. She just naturally attracts them. I have watched her around horses, and I have personally witnessed the benefits of horses for her. It is because of this that when a friend (and fellow special needs mom) approached me about starting an equine therapy program in our area I told her I was interested in helping. I know this will be a long journey for us, but it will ultimately be rewarding. Now that I have (mostly) recovered from childbirth I am looking forward to the next step of that journey. I am looking forward to seeing what horses can do for other kids with disabilities. This is probably one of the most exciting projects that I have had the oppurtunity to be involved in. It's amazing how much autism has changed my life. I would not be having these amazing experiences without it. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that Lizzybug's diagnosis would be such a blessing in our lives.

Time Please Stop

As I sit here with a sleeping baby on my chest,  I realize how fast time goes by. It doesn't seem like so long ago that this newborn on my chest was Lizzybug. In a few short weeks, our lives will change forever as she walks through the doors of her elementary school.  I can't believe she's entering kindergarten.  I have such a mixture of emotions everything from fear to excitement. My greatest fear is that Liz won't have friends,  that she will be labeled the "weird" kid and be bullied. I pray that at least one child is able to love and accept her. I'm excited because this is is a new adventure for her. My goal is to help her find her wings, to be as independent as possible, and this is the first step for her. So with a leap of faith we are preparing for kindergarten.

Baby Boy is here!

Liz seems to be handling it relatively well. The main thing has been attempting to teach her boundaries and rules. She wants to be a little more independant with him than she should be.
The birth story: He is probably my most boring birth story yet! In a good way! After fighting pre eclampsia in 2 pregnancies, I managed to dodge the bullet in my third.  I went in for my scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and 2 days. My blood pressure did drop (had this happen with Presley as well) due to the anstheia, but I had an amazing ansethologist who handled the problem quickly and an amazing doctor who showed me lots of compassion.They brought Colby in soon after that. They had him out shortly after. It did take them a little a longer because they had to cut through all the scar tissue, but he arrived perfectly healthy and absolutely adorable.
Now for the pictures of his cuteness.

Sisters Helping

A Week Old

The two of us in the hospital

Cute boy 2 days old

Just born before he was even bathed

Us in the OR

Our One Year Mark

Friday marked the day our lives forever changed. I spent the weekend thinking about how far our family has come, how far Liz has come, but most of all how far I have come. A year ago, I was breaking down into tears randomly, I was angry with God, and I wanted our pre diagnosis life back. I was really struggling with accepting that a diagnosis did not change my child. I was on my way to learning that a diagnosis had simply opened up an entire new world for my child and our family.
The last year, has been full of trials and difficulty, but it has also been the best year of my life. I have met such amazing people, I have been able to reach out and help others, to learn who my daughter truly is, and to learn a thing or two about myself. This is not the easiest way to travel through life, but it is worth it. It is worth every smile and every tear. It is simply worth it!
Over the past year, I ahve had the oppurtunity to learn so much about my Lizzybug. I will never forget our first OT appointment with Liz. It was so amazing to finally see what she was capable of. I felt like that first OT appointment opened Liz up to so many things. And while she was opening up, I was,too. I was able to slowly let go of my feelings of resentment, and to slowly embrace her diagnosis. It was like I was truly seeing my child for the first time.
I feel honored and blessed to be a mother to this child. I don't know how I got lucky enough to lead this sweet spirit through this world. She has taught me more in the past 5 years than I have learned my entire life. I love my bug!

To the Mother of the Daughter with the matted hair

I once worked at your daughter's school. I judged you as I watched the special ed team bending your ASD child over the teachers' lounge sink. I watched as they combed, brushed, cut, washed, and conditioned your child's hair. I wondered how a person could send their child to school in that state. I thought horrible things. What kind of parent were you?

Now here I am, just over 5 years later. I just spent the last half hour combing, brushing, conditioning, and washing my own ASD child's hair. The entire time all I could think about was the time I spent judging you. Never once did it cross my mind that a brush might be physically painful to your child. Never once did I stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you were more concerned about your child eating breakfast in the morning. Or maybe you spent the morning finding an outfit that didn't hurt her. I have no idea the circumstances, and I should have never judged.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could call you up, and tell you what a great mom you are. I wish I could have seen past the matted hair and seen the good that you were doing. Instead, I pegged you as a horrible neglectful parent. For that I am sorry. In reality, I am sure you were doing the best you could. Isn't that what we all do? We survive day by day, prioritizing the needs of our children. I am sorry.

Over the past year, I have learned to be slow to judge. We never truly know all the circumstances surrounding a situation. If we would only take the time to pause and show sympathy instead. So when I start to judge others I will remember you, Mother of the child with the matted hair. I will remember that I did you wrong, and I will do my best to not judge, to think twice, to show sympathy. Thank you for the lesson.